The World According to Ploy

August 18, 2009

Push, or: More Like A Half-Hearted Poke

Filed under: Movie Reviews — by Ploy @ 1:26 am

If I’d paid 140 baht to see this, I’d probably scream and shout and go all angsty. Fortunately, I rented Push for 20 baht (roughly 40 cents), and so I’m just going to mumble, grumble, and write a note. And truthfully, I didn’t even spend two hours on this. Well, technically it was on for two hours…but I paid attention for around seven minutes. You see, I turned it on while planning my (imaginary?) trip to Barcelona. I had my guidebook out and a notepad and I was furiously scribbling where to go and how long it’d take (by the way, according to my plan, it’d take 10 days, that’s 9 days for Barcelona and 1 for Montserrat.)

Oh, where were we?

Right. Push.

I…don’t know…I just don’t know. The acting was horrible. Camilla Belle can’t really act, and that Flame On! Guy Whose Name I Can’t Remember is also a mediocre actor. Dakota Fanning was, as usual, a great actress, but her lines were so horrible they overshadowed her talent. Djimon Honsou? I love the man but he got the same problem as Dakota Fanning.

There is A LOT to the plot, but that entire lot is rather predictable, so it’s actually safe to say there’s not much to the plot. You see, Camilla Belle plays Kira, is a psychic who can control peoples’ minds. She is the first survivor to a certain drug test by a division of the US government called, quite creatively, The Division. So Kira runs off (quite easily, considering this is a super secretive, state-of-the-art facility and all)…and somehow ends up in Hong Kong.

Ok, fine, I’ll buy Hong Kong. I do realize that China is a really big market and all of Hollywood wants to appeal to the Chinese. Why else would you make Tomb of the Dragon Emperor?

Ahh, but I digress.

In Hong Kong, Dakota Fanning is a 13-year-old girl “who looks at least fourteen” named Cassie. She barges in, literally, into Mr. Flame On!’s apartment (it says something here that I don’t even remember his character’s name.) Cassie’s mom is being held by the Division, and to free her mom Cassie must find Kira and this briefcase she apparently stole. She sees that she would need Flame On!, who has telekinetic powers, to help her. And that’s how we assemble our lead cast. And suffice to say it’s a happy ending for all.

Despite running for two hours, nothing goes on much. There’s not even a car chase scene. What kind of action movie doesn’t have a car chase scene? Look, I’m not particularly enamored of car chase scenes…but it’s like a contractual obligation. I go to watch an action movie…and I know there’s going to be a car chase scene…and I know I’m going to hate it. It’s that simple. Take out the car chase scene and that leaves me really, really confused.

I’d rather have some reaction than no reaction at all.

At one of those few random minutes that I actually looked up at the TV screen, I saw a Thai buddhist monk. And then I paid more attention and saw that the people on the screened looked very Thai….et voila …then there was a building with Thai writing on it and please do not tell me that Hong Kong has a Thai town because it does not.

Anyhoo, the hilarious thing was Mr. Flame On! (as you can see, I am too lazy to google up his name) was walking down that street and then turns into a Chinese restaurant. Yep, from Thailand back to Hong Kong that easily.

Hollywood thinks we’re all interchangeable. Hooray.

So there’s not much. There’s really not much that I can say. It’s not funny, it’s not touching, it doesn’t have a moral or a message (even Rise of  the Silver Surfer attempted to say something about the environment), it doesn’t have a good soundtrack. It doesn’t have anything.

It doesn’t even have proper special effects.

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1 Comment »

  1. WAHAHHAHAHAH Thailand < HK < Thailand…
    awesome…btw, I paid 140 to see that but today, I saw this Thai movie that pissed me off more than anything called Somwang something…I suggest when it comes out in DVD, rent it and rip it apart.

    Comment by Gingypoo — August 19, 2009 @ 12:11 am |Reply


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